To be Thankful

I don't want to dwell too heavily on why I personally have a hard time with the holidays; but, I'm also not going to pretend that this time of year is welcomed in my heart.  I have a plethora of hurtful, frightening memories when it comes to the holidays.  My mother hated the holidays; mainly because it drug her out of bed at an ungodly hour and she behaved very poorly towards us.  Her tone was biting and she'd make no qualms about how angry she was that we'd made her get up.  When my step-dad wasn't in the room, she'd hit or kick or pinch or whatever she could do to hurt us.  When we cried, we got "popped" in the mouth and told to shut up or we'd get something to cry about.  One of my worst Christmas memories was when my brother, sister, and I were punished by having our presents thrown in the garbage.  Every last one of them.  I remember the empty, sad feeling when we drove past the dumpster of our apartment complex; our presents peeking above the rim, covered in fresh snow.  They themselves looked sad and abandoned; it was as if they were begging us to retrieve them.  I thought for sure that my mother was bluffing and the gifts would be retrieved shortly after they'd been disposed of... but I was wrong.  She did not.  The only lesson I truly learned that day was that my mother was cruel and had a very horrible idea on how to punish her children. 
I loved Christmas once upon a time.  But over the years, after having such terrible holidays, I find myself hating this time of year.  I have no memories of fun, light, merry holidays; sure, there were moments, but they were blips that dotted the more dominating times.  I try to hold onto the moments that were happy, but it is very difficult.  I hope that I can create happy memories, and so far as an adult, I have a few. 
I refuse to completely give up on loving the holidays.  I hope to have a baby one day and I promise myself that should I become a mother, my child or children will know only happy moments.  I will make every holiday positive and light, merry and bright.  Sleigh rides and sledding, hot cocoa and marshmellows by a fire, decorating the tree, hugs and kisses, mounds of presents they'll keep, and snowmen in the yard; these are all things I hope to give my children one day. 
I hope to express what I am thankful for.  I'm thankful for the gift of Life.  I am grateful for the moments that surprise me with happiness and hope.  I am thankful for the love in God.  I am glad that I will get a chance to truly know Him and I pray that each dayI remind myself to try.  I am thankful for my husband.  I hope I can have a strong and loving relationship with him one day.  I am thankful for my pets.  They offer me great joy and happiness in moments of fear or discomfort.  I am extremely thankful for my family.  I am thankful that I have a chance to rebuild what was lost between my brother and sister.  I am thankful that I can rebuild with my mother.  I am thankful for my beautiful neice and nephew and I am thankful that I have them in my life.  I am thankful that I have wonderful friends like Sally, Lizzy, Deleva, Mike and Jim.  I have family in them, too.  They help me through moments that frighten me.  I love every one of them in their own ways.  I am thankful that I have these things in my life.  And I am thankful for the holiday that allows me to celebrate them.