When I was younger, I went through a period where I wasn't sure who I was. I didn't know if I were straight or gay, or what made someone either way. I remember I fought myself over my identity for a long time. I was terrified and worried and sick to my stomach considering my sexuality. I couldn't even look at another girl without being afraind that I was going to develop feelings for her. Not knowing what made a person gay was the biggest cause of my fears. Not having a reliable person to express those fears to was another. I wasn't sure if someone would understand the internal conflict that I found myself in. And I wasn't sure I ever wanted to find out either.
For a few years, I was very sensitive to anything to do with homosexuality. I hated movies that dealt with it, I hated hearing about it, I hated seeing people engage in it... because on my most intimate levels, it scared me about myself. I didn't know who I was; I was insecure and therefore incredibly threatened by anything to do with same sex issues.
After a lot of soul searching, I realized that I was heterosexual; perhaps slightly bi-curious, but heterosexual nonetheless. Suddenly, homosexuality became just another topic for me. I started watching Ellen (which I had previously avoided like the plague), I began to befriend people who idenitified as homosexual and found that they were amazing, strong, beautiful souls who have a lot of love to give, and I disposed of all predispositions and judgements I'd had previously. It was easy once I was aware of my personal truths. And it made me wonder about other people... are they homophobic because they too are uncertain of themselves or is it a case of being afraid of the unknown?
I have to believe that anyone who harbors so much hate for a group of people or a lifestyle they don't have to engage with also harbors a lot of self-doubt and fear. And I find it incredibly sad that the fear of a few has prohibited a group of people from expressing love for one another. Regardless of how they choose to express their love, whether it be heterosexually or homosexually, the end result is the same for everyone: They want to express it the same way everyone else is allowed to. And why not? What's wrong with it? Because they can't engage in sex in the traditional conventional way? Well, as far as I'm concerned, what I do in my bedroom is nobody's business...so why should it be different for a couple of the same sex? That is really all the question of allowing same sex couples to marry boils down to. Nobody is questioning them as people individually; but society can't seem to look beyond the bedroom and recognize that they're people and they're in love; the same way any of us are in love.
I know that insecurity in oneself can bring conflict in the way we judge people or situations. I know because I was there. Had the idea of same sex marriage been purposed to me ten years ago, I would have spouted off the same ignorant things so many others are saying now: It's wrong; it's against what God wants, It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve...blah, blah, blah.
However, I believe I've grown as a person. I've come to realize that love shouldn't come with lables. It doesn't concern me if a homosexual couple wants to marry; they should have the same God given rights every other person has. I certainly can't imagine being told that I couldn't marry my husband because it went against someone else's idea of normalcy and I don't think it's fair or right for anyone to withhold the right for homosexual couples to marry and enjoy the same comforts marriage can bring to heterosexual couples.
I would ask people to think for a moment if there were someone they loved and they loved them in spite of what society told them was okay or approving...Would you want anyone telling you you couldn't be with that person or express your love the way you saw fit? I would guess that the answer would be no. I know mine would be. So why then is it okay for us to tell anyone in this world who they can or cannot marry?
Let me say God does not hate. God is love. And if two people are joined in love, regardless of their sex, then who are we to say it's not what God would want? I know I've never personally talked to God and there is not a person around who can tell me they have. So nobody can say what God's position would be on same sex marriage or that by allowing it, we'd redefine marriage as a whole. Marriage is the union of two souls who love one another beyond measure. Souls. Not bodies. And I think that's what we need to consider when we think about heterosexual vs. homosexual. What are we really judging here? Souls? Or Bodies?
I'm grateful because I was able to overcome my insecurities enough to love a group of people I had initially hated. I hope that others can find it in themselves to do the same and stop judging. Let love be love. Regardless of how it's packaged.
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